I Never Wanted a GIRL!

Girls, what can you say about them? Yup, I’m one of them but I’ve never been “one of them”. The ones that talk behind your back and are so mean “those girls”. I’ve been around them all my life and never liked a one of them.

Sure I had girl friends in school but once middle school hit, wow those friends ditched me fast and I was called a lesbian. One friend however really stuck it out and we remained friends all the way through to my wedding, though we had drifted apart along the way up to the wedding she was still the person I wanted to stand for me. While she did stand, she missed my bachelorette party and after the wedding I haven’t heard from her even though I’ve made an effort. While I will/would never forget her now I can’t for sure since my son was born on her birthday.

Sure I had girl friends at work but you couldn’t tell them anything for fear that it would get around the office.  I use to make shit up and just tell one person and damn did that false rumor fly and while I would laugh outwardly, on the inside I would hurt because I really hoped that person was my friend and I could trust them. Then there was the friends that didn’t tell anyone what I said but they didn’t stick with me either. I would make the effort and then got nothing in return. Sure they would invite me to parties and sometimes to go out but never just to come over and sit around and talk. Then you have the friends that do sit around and talk but don’t invite you out, like they don’t want others to know you or you are really an embarrassment to them and they feel sorry for you so they just stay your friend. Then you have the friends that you invite to major events in your life and they show up but forget to invite you to the major events in theirs, which leaves you to wonder why you were not good enough for an invitation. One friend however really stuck it out and 11 years or so later she is my best friend. The one I tell all my secrets to. We have been through so much together, my boyfriends, her divorce, my marriage, her men, her marriage, my kids, and hers. It has been quite a friendship, one that I cherish every day.

I know it seems sad that I’ve had one friend that I could count on and our friendship didn’t happen until I was in my 20’s but it’s made me a stronger person. I’ve always been labeled the bitch in the crowed until people get to know me, then I’m the girl that other people send their friends to for advice because I’m the only one that will give it to them straight up hurt feelings and all. Sometimes though, while I’m happy to be that person I feel like other people forget that I have feelings too.

So, here I am with a girl and while in the beginning I was ready to leave her at someone else’s doorstep, now I can’t get enough of her. At night when I feed her before bed time, I just look at her; she is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I would be content to just sit there all night with her in my arms and sleep. Already she is so different than a boy. Her smile, squealing, and now a little giggle here and there. I love to dress her up and I can’t wait to paint her nails (if you know me AT ALL you know this is SO NOT ME).

When I look at her though, I think about all the girls in my life, those that have come those that have gone, those that call me friend but never call me and then the one girl I can count on. I hope to God that she doesn’t turn out to be the girls that have gone and I hope to God she finds a friend like Laurie.

Already I worry that she will not be popular in school and I worry she will. I want her to be neither but to still stick out the right way. I want her to be the girl that others come to for advice and tell their secrets to because she will tell no one. I want those people that come to her to always be there for her when she needs someone to tell her secrets too and when she tells they tell no one. I want her to be invited to play dates and sleep overs but also be invited to parties. I never want her to see that her “friends” had a party and she just wasn’t even thought of to be invited.

I know that we are great parents and that we will teach her how to be a friend to others, but in the end she will grow up and as a parent you can only watch and hope that what you’ve taught is what they will do. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.

I never wanted a girl, but as much as I didn’t, is as much as I’m so happy I did.



  1. Caitlin Hollenback

    Jackie, thank you for the inspiring words. I know what you mean about having true friends. I was never popular in high school and was bullied a lot. I wish I lived closer. Next time I am over that way I would love to stop by or go do something if you’re up for it :). I have the same fears for my daughter as well. I hope I can teach her to be a good friend and keep secrets secrets. I never want her to get her feelings hurt either. As a mother we will always try to protect our babies. And I know Xander will be an amazing big brother. Love you, thanks for sharing.

  2. Sharon Kreiter

    she is absolutely adorable! Kiss kiss kiss! Sad you had such experiences with girls in your life. I had so many sisters I never had the need for girlfriends but had lots and lots anyway. This little darling will be just fine, with you as her mother.

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